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Character Meme (gone out of control)

The Character Meme That Turned Into Fic Crack Snarkapalooza We'll just go with character meme.

Originally from mumumugen, who after knowing me for more than a decade, should really know better than to encourage me in matters such as this.

.:Rules:. (in which I blatantly disregard two out of the three)
1. Choose a few of your own characters. Five at the most
2. Make them answer the following questions
3. Then tag three people. (...go on, I dare ya.)

.:Characters:.
John Sheppard (SGA)
Rodney McKay (SGA)
I was going to do three others, but two someones took over. You're all shocked, I know.


.:Questions:.

1) How Old Are You?
John:
Like many aspects of my past, including whether I am the older or younger brother, it is shrouded in mystery.
He's 42.
...Rodney!
Oh c'mon. I can rewrite the base code for an entire race of robots with daddy issues. Your personnel files are nothing.
 
Rodney:
40. See, I'm not ashamed of it, unlike some people.
Put a cork in it.


2) Height?
John:
...seeing as how my life is an open book due to careless hacking, I'll go with an even six feet tall.
Is that counting Teh Hair?
You know, I'm not butting in on your answers.
 
Rodney:
5' 11"
Actually he's three-foot-one. The rest of the height is made up by his Napoleon Complex.
I thought you said you weren't butting in!
I lied.


3) You got any bad habits?
John:
Well I’ve got some—
Flirting with everything in sight.
Will you knock it off?
Strapping himself to nuclear devices.
That was once.
Lieutenant Colonel Cockblocker.
...what?
Does the name Norina ring a bell, Sheppard?
Not my fault she wanted a real man.
 
Rodney:
He also snores. And kicks in his sleep. I keep trying to share a tent with Teyla, but no, it’s like some alien conspiracy to make people from their own galaxies consort with only—
Rodney wets the bed.
Hey! That was an isolated childhood issue, and I’d thank you to stop bringing it up in public.
There's also the issue of lack of tact.
Excuse me? I'm very polite!
He also throws like a girl.
I don’t think that counts as a habit—
 

4) You a virgin?
John:
To cut off any smart remarks, no. However I am not the James T. Kirk that some believe to me to be.
 
Rodney:
Yes, he is.
No one was asking you.


5) Who's your Mate/Spouse?

John:
Divorced.
 
Rodney:
Well it would have been Katie, but there were unforeseen circumstances—
Unforeseen? You took back the engagement ring, Rodney. That's a key indicator there.
I wanted to take things slow!
There's a difference in putting on the brakes and jamming the car straight into reverse.
Well, when you count the deceleration factors—
 

6) Have Any Kids?
John:
Not that he knows of.
Damn it, McKay!
 
Rodney:
All of the scientists in the labs are his children. He coos to them every night like the good mother hen he is.
You're not funny, I hope you know.
You stop and I'll stop.
Oh, it's on.

7) Favorite Food?
John:
I really enjoy a nice cold glass of lemonade, with a good portion of lemon chicken, and to top it off, some lemon meringue pie for dessert.
I am never eating another meal with you ever again.
Success!
 
Rodney:
Coffee. With a nice side of—Sheppard get that away from me! Anaphylaxis is not a laughing matter!
Relax, it's plastic.
Still, not funny!
I laughed.
You would.


8) Favorite Ice Cream flavor?
John:
The one that Rodney's not eating.
 
Rodney:
How is that an answer? Actually, while I'm thinking about it, who's asking these stupid questions?


9) Killed anyone?
John:
...it comes with the job.
 
Rodney:
Give me a few more minutes, and your answer will probably be a yes, O Mysterious Voice.
 

10) Hate anyone?
John:
Not very fond of Kolya, the Wraith, Michael, Woolsey's on my short list—
 
Rodney:
Refer to previous answer.
Hey!
You came at me with faux citrus!
 
11) Any Secrets?
John:
I reference question number one, I am a man shrouded in mystery—
What do you want to know? I've got his whole life story right here.
Give me that!
 
Rodney:
Unlike some people, my life is an open book—
His password is 1-6-4-3-1-8-7-9-1-9-6-8.
Excuse me! Security breach to the strange questioning voice? And how the hell do you know that?
You told me.
I did not!
You forget many things said under the influence of the Ruus wine. Like a certain tidbit about how you think Dr. Keller has a real nice—
Shut up.
 
 
12) Love Anyone?
John:
I like my team pretty good.
And every woman that walks by.
 
Rodney:
Well, I—
Himself.
I can answer these myself, thank you very much.
 
 
13) Tacos?
John:
Are crunchy? I don't see the point of the question.

Rodney:
Thank god! I’m famished and—please tell me you didn’t put lime juice in these. Oh, god, where's my radio? I need Carson—no wait, Keller—no wait, Elizabeth is still here so that means that it could be either depending if we're pre- or post- tumor incident... I don’t know which doctor to call!
 

14) Ever slept in all day?
John:
Not by choice no. But Carson and his drugs are very persuasive.
 
Rodney:
If only I could. But no, someone has to make sure the city stays afloat while some people go off and get whumped every other fanfic—
Fourth wall, Rodney, fourth wall.
 

15) Eye colors?
John:
I just don’t spend all day looking in the mirror unlike some people I know.
 
Rodney:
Blue, and I do not.
 
 
16) Hair?
John:
(suspicious) What about my hair?
 
Rodney:
We're theorizing that it's developed its own sense of awareness over the years. If you pay attention really closely, you can tell what mood he's in by the direction the follicles sway—
What the hell are you talking about?
Your hair.
You're supposed to be talking about your hair, genius.
My hair's fine, as I can still fit it and myself in the same zip code.
Leave my hair alone!
Ooh, touchy.
I'll show you touchy!


17) Fat/Average/Slim?
John:
I'm declining to answer this question as I need my concentration to continue to hold McKay in a head lock. ...(slim)
 
Rodney:
Nng! I'm telling Elizabeth! ...(average) (on the chubby side) (am not! let me go!)
 
 
18) Rain, sunshine?
John:
Say uncle yet? (sunshine)
 
Rodney:
I'm so filing charges after this! (rain)
 

19) Pool, Beach?
John:
That would require me letting you go first. (beach, waves, surf)
 
Rodney:
Ow! Stop it! Noogies are for high school bullies! Damn it! STOP! (hello, drowning incident? dry land.)
 

20) Camping, staying home?
John:
I like camping. It's fun.
 
Rodney:
...frickasicka, let's see how he likes having cold showers for the rest of eternity... muttergrumble... rig the doors to close the moment before he walks through so he's constantly smashing his nose... oh, I wonder what this device does?  pzzzt!
Um, Rodney, what just happened to my feet?
 

21) Dog, Cat?
John:
Even though I am a dog person, I'm going to say cat. Now can I have my feet back? This stool is really uncomfortable.
 
Rodney:
Do you think I want your hairy monkey feet? That I'm holding them hostage because I got tired of my own? No, I don't! And who the hell builds a device that switches people's feet? That's utterly pointless! Oh, and answering cat does not equal an apology about threatening me with fake citrus, by the way. Now, just let me cross these wires and... pzzzt!
Thank you.
You're not welcome. Oh, and cat.


22) Believe in aliens?
John:
Kind of hard not to at this point.
 
Rodney:
It's not a matter of believing in them, rather whether or not I believe what they say. Now Ronon and Teyla are generally trustworthy, but I've found the non-human Pegasus natives (and a few select human populations) to be altogether unreliable in—
 

23) What do you do to relax?
John:
I poke Rodney. It's fun.
 
Rodney:
Relax? Who the hell has time to relax? Do you know what I have to deal with on a daily basis? Heck, I can't even go on a visit home without being kidnapped by the Trust—
He likes being poked. He also finds it fun.
You're a lying liar that lies on his way through Liarville!


24) Car or Ship...?

John:
Space
ship.
 
Rodney:
I can die horribly in both, especially if he's in the driver's seat.
Hey...
 
 
25) What is your job?
John:
Full-time babysitter.
 
Rodney:
Sadly, I have no other time on my hands since I'm always having to come up with some quick solution to save ungrateful lieutenant colonels out of whatever mess they've gotten in, because looking before you leap over that cliff isn't fun at all.
He’s the baby.
Hey!


26) Any unusual things about you?
John:
Did I mention Teh Hair™? And the uncanny resemblance to Kirk? And the Death Wish™?

Rodney:
My name is Rodney. Everything about me is unusual.
 

27) Boy or girl?
John:
Male, because otherwise my womanizing ways would be very confusing to my fellow girls.
Seriously, one priestess and I'm manwhore of the century?
So you did sleep with her!
That's still none of your business! And the fact that you care so much really concerns me. Do we need to have a talk with Heightmeyer?
I'm not sure. What season are we answering this in? I think we've managed to mix everything together in one big lump.
Once again, Rodney, fourth wall.
Whatever. Let us break this down, in order of Kirking:
  • Teyla
    • What was the definition of "Kirking" again?
  • Sora
    • Really, I thought this was about "seducing the alien priestess". I just smiled at her.
  • Chaya
  • Teyla
    • Why do you keep listing Teyla?
  • Freaky-Wraith-Disguised-As-A-Hot-Chick
    • That was you!
      • Oh... right.
  • Girl in hive ship
    • How did you find out about that?
  • Ascension Girl Numero Two
    • Do you mean Teer?
      • I knew her for all of thirty seconds, I’m not going to bother with her name.
  • Slutty Princess Girl
    • Um... her name was Mara
      • See? This is me not caring.
  • Elizabeth
    • I have not "Kirked" Elizabeth! Or Teyla for that matter!
  • Norina!
    • That was just fun.
  • MY SISTER
    • I did nothing to your sister!
      • Yet!
  • Kidnapper/Inexplicably Young and Sexy Space Pirate Leader
    • Larrin?
  • Larrin again, this time with strange alien bondage with tubing action
    • Yeah, I didn't get that either.
  • Female!Chuck
    • Okay, seriously, what is the basis for this list? Being in the same room as a woman?
  • Flora
  • Mardola
  • Harmony
    • ...McKay, she's fourteen!
      • I know, you should be ashamed of yourself.
  • Your Ex-Wife
    • Wait? Did you say this went in order?
  • Lorne
    • WHAT?
      • I'm serious.
        • I thought this was a list of women I've supposedly Kirked.
          • I decided to expand it.
            • There was no Kirk action going on with Lorne.
              • You two shared a significant look before you were tossed forward 48,000 years into the future, so yeah, it's totally going on the list.
                • I think someone's going to need to give you the "Birds and the Bees" talk
  • Todd
    • ...that’s disgusting/horrible/wrong-in-so-many-ways.
  • Ronon
    • You’re just spewing out names now
  • Me
    • ...
      • What?
        • ...
          • You totally did!
            • ...
              • There was this look, and it made me really uncomfortable and—
                • That's it, we're done with the list!
Spoilsport.
It got creepy. And how the hell did you come up with that long of a list anyway?
I've got a good memory.
Wait, what's that on your laptop?
Nothing.
There is something! You've got—what the hell is "The Kirk Effect.xls" supposed to be?



 
Rodney: (the question was Boy or Girl? for those who have forgotten)
With a name like Meredith, it makes you wonder.
Jeannie is never allowed to tell you anything ever again! In fact, I don't want you speaking to my sister at all!
Ouch. Someone's cranky. Did you miss nap time?
All right, enough with the baby jokes!
 

28) Favorite Place?
John:
Y'know, anywhere is cool. Atlantis.
 
Rodney:
Anywhere he isn't.
You don't mean that.
Yes I mean that! I've been trying to work for the past hour but you and this mysterious questioning voice that I can't seem to deny answering won't leave me the hell alone!
We just want to be closer to you.
You seriously creep me out when you do that.
You're the one who has this strange obsessive fixation with my love life.
She was a security issue!
Okay, Chaya I grant you. But the fact that you've been trying to document "The Kirk Effect" in an Excel spreadsheet is disturbing. Wait a second, is that a character form from Legend of the Red Dragon?
Next question please.




29) Do you like pancakes?
John:
Sure.
 
Rodney:
I used to. Then Ronon tried to kill me with one.
 

30) Last words?
John:
Well—
"So long, Rodney", for one.
Okay, you really need to get over that.
Not according to fandom.
I don't think you comprehend the concept behind the fourth wall.
"Rodney, vent the atmosphere."
You know, I'm not going to apologize for trying to save Earth, the expedition, or anyone else.
If you won't try to stay alive, I'd ask you to have the decency to stop trying to make me do it!
Oh.
Dork.
 
Rodney:
Geek. Batman of Outer Space
Grunt. Guy Who Goes to the Bottom of the Ocean Without Proof of Life
Dweeb. Pretty Damn Smart
Kirk. Stupidly Brave
Loudmouth. Dives in After Me Without Thought (but not without girly scream)
Lothario. Willing to Sell His Soul to Save Me (which is terrifying frankly)
Napoleon Complex. Buddy.
Martyr Syndrome. John.
 
...I think we can stop now.
Oh, thank god. What the hell was that voice? Did you touch something while I wasn’t looking?
You've been pretty adamant about the "hands in pocket" rule ever since the whole Invisible Dog Leash Incident. Besides, I wasn't the one who switched our feet.
I'm a scientist, I was experimenting!
Rodney.
What?
Sign off.
Fine.
 
Tags: crack, meme, no ffnet, sga:fanfic
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