Grey Lupous (greyias) wrote,
Grey Lupous

Ymagyne Greater (Fragmented Sentences?)

The SciFi channel has decided to break its bonds from its geeky foundations and forge ahead into a brave new broadcasting world, and to do that it must change its long cherished, and due to the occasional unfortunate programming errors decisions, sometimes misleading name to...


Because you know, that's going to make it look cooler. Of course, television and network executives are always lagging a little behind the popular curve, so they missed the memo that ¡7'§ @££ b33n þ0n3 b3ƒ0r€ 1n 4n 3qµ4££¥ 1rr17471n9 m4nn3r.

Luckily, I found the (¥ƒ3r cypher to decode what they were really hoping to get out of all of this: $¢¥₣¥

Oops, my bad, I left that pesky c¢ in there. No one wants your measly pennies. Give us whole, round dollars, your yen, and your Francs. Sorry, we cannot except the Euro yet due to Network Executive Lag.

Sadly, I think I agree with one article when it said that The Mansquito Network would have been a better choice. Honestly, I don't know what's more insulting funnier, the hip new name, or the fact that someone actually seems to think that deliberately misspelling a word will make it girlier and more appealing to female audiences. Of course I'm lying. No one would ever say anything so insulting as:

"We’ll get the heritage and the track record of success, and we’ll build off of that to build a broader, more open and accessible and relatable and human-friendly brand." Because it was completely unrelatable and alien before. That's why it never had any... success? Wait.

"When we tested this new name, the thing that we got back from our 18-to-34 techno-savvy crowd, which is quite a lot of our audience, is actually this is how you’d text it" Let's see, traditional texters who apparently talk about the SciFi channel will now have to tap "777799993339999" instead of "7777222444333444"? Yes. I can see their point. Completely.

“The name Sci Fi has been associated with geeks and dysfunctional, antisocial boys in their basements with video games and stuff like that, as opposed to the general public and the female audience in particular.” Because I certainly needed someone to chase away the pimply, gawking fanboys so I could relate to the material. I swear, it was like walking into a comic store every time I changed the channel. I could feel their eyes undressing me!

“We spent a lot of time in the ’90s trying to distance the network from science fiction, which is largely why it’s called Sci Fi” ...good job there, champ. Maybe you should have taken a page from TNN and, ya know, actually changed it to something completely different?

"The new campaign will use the slogan “Imagine Greater,” which Mr. Howe thinks will resonate with both consumers and media buyers." This one speaks for itself.

“Look at the everyday and how you can turn it to the extraordinary. It’s an aspirational, optimistic message about enhancing people’s lives.” But don't look at proper grammar in a marketing message. That's bad.

"So it’s changing your name without changing your name" Then the point of spending all of this money was...?

Thanks Network Lag, for once again proving that Hollywood truly has fired anyone with a grasp on reality.
Tags: snark, this shit is b-a-n-a-n-a-s

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